Remembering What Was and Will Never Be

This fic has almost no point to it. I wrote it in 45 minutes and I just thoughtI shouldn't let it go to waste. So please review, and please enjoy! Thanks! XD

Post-Movie Elricest - PG-13

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“Nii-san,” I squirmed a bit as Ed’s fingers probed at my side, “Nii-san, wake up. You’re having a bad dream.”

It had been like this since ever since I came to this world. Money was tight, especially with all the food going to the soldiers. Even though the war had ended more than a month ago, they still say it necessary to steal from us. So, we sold the only other room in the house to Noa, who looks astoundingly like Roze but is in no way similar save for the undying love of Edward. That would only leave one other room and one other bed, of which Nii-san and I have to share. Not that I’m complaining. I’ve been dying to be close to him since I saw him again.

It was like a dream. A very weird dream in the beginning, having to attend my own funeral and watch Edward hold back tears for someone who was so similar to me yet in every way not.

I’m getting used to it. But as I’ve said before, as long as Nii-san is with me, I know I can handle anything.

He is very clingy. I’m surprised I didn’t remember that. We used to share a bed all the time when we were younger. I used to get scared even if it only looked like a thunderstorm was on its way. So I would always toddle my way down the stairs of the bunkbeds we had, stumbling a bit and then falling on top of Nii-san as I tried to maneuver my way in the dark. He would startle awake and just look at me. It was an unreadable expression, to this day I still don’t know what he had been trying to tell me with that gaze. Then he would scoot over and sigh like it was a big deal, and open his arms. I would grin like it was Christmas and toss my body onto the bed and into his arms. He would always fall asleep before me and if I tried to move out of his grasp, he’d only hold tighter, and whine. He would say things like, “Aru, don’t go, stay sleep with meee…” and “Aru comfy…..” And I remember I would smile and move closer, even if it was a hot night.

I shouldn’t be surprised that he’s still that way, but I guess I thought he might’ve grown out of it.

I jumped as cool metal fingers found their way up my shirt. Yikes! Geez, that’s cold! I tried to pull away, but as always, he only held tighter, drawing my body closer to him. I could almost swear he was awake and I looked down to make sure, hehe looked down, and his eyes were still closed.

“Al…”

I jumped again at the sound of his voice so close to my ear. I could feel the corners of his mouth twitching upwards in a smile and he burrowed deeper into my shoulder, his nose and lips touching my neck.

“Alfons…”

Alfons? My…the other me? I could tell that was what he said, as Germans have the letter L so his name would be Al, not Aru. But why is Nii-san calling out for him?

I jumped again as his other hand pushed its way into my shirt, his metal and flesh fingers brushing over my nipples, the textures bringing them into hard buds.

“Ed! What are you doing!” my voice had gone shaky, I could hardly get the words out.

At this, I felt a soft and wet sensation across my neck. I shuddered when I realized it was Nii-san’s tongue.

“You know you like this Alfons…” he opened his mouth and brought it to just under my ear, blowing hot moist air against the lobe before he took it into his mouth and sucked.

Bliss wracked my body and blood pooled in my groin, gods, Nii-san why do you torture me so?

He hadnt told me. And I thought it had all been a simple friendship, nothing to worry about. But now I know. Nii-san…Nii-san was in love with Alfons. They…they shared this bed. And he…and he…

EEE!

Nii-san’s hands wandered. It seemed they couldn’t get enough. Are we that similar, Nii-san? Can't you tell the difference! I’m not him, Nii-san!

“Al…”

Edward’s hands ducked under the sheets and I felt my face flame brighter than the sun as his fingers brushed against my hip and then my behind. His fingers dug in, but instead of feeling pain, torrents of pleasure surged up and down my spine. He must have known this. Known I would feel this way because we are that similar, aren't we, Nii-san? Alfons’ body is my body and you don’t care, you’d molest your own brother to have him once more, wouldn’t you Nii-san?

It doesn’t matter how I feel…It doesn’t matter that all the years I’ve searched for you, all the years I spent loving you…How could you replace me! How could you replace me with him?

…I…I rejected Winry for you. I thought I could love her…but the moment I kissed her all I could think about was you! And she understood. Did you know that, Nii-san? She looked at me and said, Aru, I think Ed will love you as much as you love him. And I believed her! I believed her and placated myself by thinking that once I see you again I can love you, and you can love me, and it won't matter! It wouldn’t matter that we’re related…

“Alfons, don’t cry.”

I gasped suddenly and looked down. The elation I felt shot down to my stomach as I realized he had yet again called out to Al. Not Aru.

Fresh tears flooded my eyes and I couldn’t hold them back as they fell, dropping onto Nii-san’s cheek and rolling down as if he had shed them.

Edward let out a low rumbling laugh as he nuzzled his head into my neck once again.

“You’re just like my brother. Crying at nothing.”

Indignation and anger clouded up in me and I had the sudden childish urge to shake the living crap out of my brother.

“Gods, I miss him, Alfons…”

A shudder wracked my brother’s body and I felt his tears trail hot paths down my neck. I wrapped my arms around him, suddenly overcome with adoration and love for him.

“Daijoubu…” I whispered and he went limp.

“I’m sorry I keep talking about him. You’re not him. I know this. But Alfons…Sometimes I wish you were him…”

Now I realize how this must have gone for Edward. I pulled my arms tighter around him.

“Don’t cry, Edward, what would your mother say?” Nii-san gave a broken laugh.

“She’d say, what, my big boy Edward, now, honey, why are you crying? And then she’d look at Aru and just pick him up. I loved being his big brother. Even if…even if it was all my fault for what happened to him…”

Nii-san broke down again, this time sobbing uncontrollably. My heart broke as I watched him but I knew I couldn’t wake him up. He was still coming to terms with himself, and even if that is in a dream, it's still better than nothing.

“Edward,” I said, and maybe if I pretend to be the Al Edward thinks he’s talking to…maybe he’ll open up a bit. “Edward, don’t cry. What’s done is done. You can't change the past as much as you can help the future. Your brother loves you, and I promise we’ll find a way to get you back to him.” It feels weird to talk about myself in the third person, but as Nii-san slowly stopped crying, I realized I was helping him. He buried his nose into my hairline and kissed my neck lightly.

“Danke, Al.”

It took me longer than I would have liked to realize he said ‘thanks’, and by the time I did finally realize that, Edward’s face was directly in front of my own. And his eyes were open. My heart raced as I fought to think of an explanation—until I realized that his eyes were clouded, and he wasn’t really awake, but still dreaming. His human hand came up to brush against my face and push the hair from my eyes. He smiled a sad smile, one I’ve never seen him smile before, and leaned in.

The moment our lips brushed I felt something break in my chest.

I’m taking advantage of him. Of my brother. I pulled away from the light touch and turned my head to the side. I hadn’t expected him to get all teary eyed again.

“Aru…”

I sighed and turned back to tell him to go to sleep when comprehension hit me. He said Aru. Not Al. I turned back to him, my eyes wide and watching him. His golden eyes were open and unglazed. And he was looking at me like…like I’d fallen from heaven. He offered me a shaky smile before he held open his flesh arm.

I smiled back at him and moved forward into his embrace.

My brother isnt prefect, and never will be, but I think as we share a small kiss under the moonlight, that no matter what happens to us, we’ll over come it.